CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE TAUGHT!!
Secret Number 4 of 5
By STEPHEN THOMPSON
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY!!
Okay, before you panic, listen closely to what I’m about to tell you. Confidence cannot be taught. Well, hold on now, I know you were hoping it could be. But it can’t be taught.
Confidence must be learned
Just because you understand what confidence is doesn’t mean you have it. It’s not enough to just learn what it is, you actually have to experience it to become it.
So, you can’t teach it but you can provide a class experience where the child can experience a feeling of confidence.
Listen To This Real Life Encounter I Had With A Mum Who Was Unsure Of Her Child’s Ability To Succeed
I had a conversation with a mum and she said, “I don’t think that my child is ready for this next level. I don’t think he’s ready to get the next belt.” (In our academy it’s called a graduation where a child goes from one belt colour to the next.) I said,
“Why is that?”
“Well he just doesn’t look as though he’s doing as well as the other children,” she said.
Stop passing judgment on your child compared to another child and start placing all your attention on your child’s improvement and see what happens. But let me get back to my story. I said,
‘Well, what is your biggest concern about your child going to the next rank?”
And she said these words,
“Well, I don’t want him to have a false sense of confidence.” I said,
“Oh, don’t take offence but allow me to correct you – oh yes you do! What other kind is there?”
You see, if confidence is only needed when you need it, and the only time confidence needs to be used is when you “think” you can do something, Isn’t that a false sense of confidence?
So, bring it on. Give me all the false confidence I need to progress from one level of accomplishment to the next and let me provide your child with the idea where all they have to do is act and feel confident. That’s what confidence is.
Here’s what confidence is NOT:
Confidence doesn’t mean the lack of nervousness, apprehension or tension. Confidence means you do something or don’t do something in spite of nervousness or apprehension. So the way you enhance a youngster’s confidence is this, you encourage them to do something they feel a little awkward doing.
You know, in most settings you hear talk about going outside your comfort zone. That’s really what they’re talking about isn’t it, doing something that you normally would not feel comfortable doing? To do that all you have to do is think you can. And that thinking “you can” is in fact a degree of self-confidence. But it’s all imaginary. It’s false confidence.
What we do is allow a child to have the experience of doing this in a safe environment where there’s no jeopardy. No one is going to get hurt. No one is going to be physically or emotionally harmed or embarrassed. And as your child is challenged to exercise this idea of self-confidence, they become more confident.
Word Lessons vs. World Lessons
There is “knowing” something because you read about it, saw it on TV, heard about it and can envision it and understand it. Then there is “knowing” something because you experienced it first-hand.
This is the difference between word lessons, the idea of what something is and the world lessons, the experience of that thing which makes the everlasting impression of what it is.
Here’s an example:
My father explained to me the danger and what might happen if I put an aerosol in a fire.
“It will blow up, and can be very dangerous. So whatever happens, do not put one on a fire.” That is a word lesson.
He was trying to intellectually get me, a child to understand what the consequence would be. I said, “Okay dad” But that type of lesson didn’t last very long.
What do you think happened?
I found an old can, curiosity got the better of me, and I put it on the fire. NOTHING HAPPENED, for a while, then BANG! Now, that is a world lesson.
Now, we can’t put our children in danger, so what we do is we afford the child the experience of learning the world lesson of self-confidence by putting them in a safe environment and having these world lessons actually take place.
Giving them the experience of doing something that required a little confidence, plants the seeds for greater confidence and that is how a well- structured Martial Arts programme serves a parent.
And that is, in fact, what we do.
“Whether You Think You Can Or Think You Can’t
Either Way, You’re Absolutely Correct.” – Henry Ford
In order to think you can, what you have to do is have the experience of going from where you thought you couldn’t to where now you can.
When we help a child have that experience in Martial Arts, it carries over to every area of their life.
Here’s what happens when your child walks into a social setting regardless of what it is…the playground. a new classroom, the cafeteria or perhaps even your neighbourhood. The moment he walks into the setting he begins to identify what he thinks he can and can’t do within the peer group and based on that he will shuffle himself.
What I mean by shuffle is this… whether we like to think of it or not it’s pretty simple: children create a pecking order within a matter of moments.
And here’s the important part… when a child walks into a new environment they will gravitate in the direction of children who they perceive are equal to and lesser than them.
Most Problems In Our Society Will Disappear If We Get This
Children make decisions about everything based on two things
- How they feel at that moment
- How they feel about themselves
So as a child gains a higher degree of confidence through our MAPD experience they begin to filter things differently and they even begin to gravitate in the direction of a healthier peer group based on the fact they feel better about themselves.
I know there are several great fears that a parent has for their children such as the danger of violence, premature sex, drug experimentation. alcohol. etc. I mean, you know the woes, right? And how does a child decide to yield to negative and harmful peer pressure? How do they decide? Well, let me point out it’s not a rational decision, it’s not logical, they don’t measure it and they don’t say: “well ‘Mum said this, Dad said that, the teacher said…'”A child will make their decision in a matter of moments based on one simple idea-
How they feel about themselves at that exact moment
No child tomorrow is going to wake up and say, “Today I’m going to try drugs or I’m going to get drunk or today after school” That’s not how they make decisions.
Based on the opportunity
Based on the present peer pressure
They either say yes or no
All decisions are based on how they feel about themselves and the way we encourage them to make better decisions is to change how they feel differently about whom and what they are. Because just telling them to say yes or no isn’t enough.
MAJOR POINT: As a child begins to feel differently about who they are and the degree of self-confidence and esteem they have for themselves they begin to make better decisions. And based on how they feel about themselves, they connect with a group that will accept them.
Very seldom will a child have a high enough degree of self-worth, esteem and confidence to walk up to a peer group that they believe is more superior whether that’s academic, their physical presence, their social status or perhaps their degree of athleticism or proficiency in sports.
What we’re able to do through Martial Arts training is to continuously improve their self-concept and they begin to make a better selection in all areas of their life. And that’s how we achieve that through the Martial Arts programme that we provide in our academy, MAPD.
“Does Every Martial Arts Academy Build This Kind Of Confidence Into Their Student Body?”
Not if it’s a pass or fail scenario. And in nine out of ten Martial Arts schools that’s exactly what they do. Pass or fail…Susan did well, John did badly.
Yes, no. Right, wrong. Left, right. Up. down. Pass or Fail.
Life will naturally serve up success/failure lessons to our children, but in KiCX we have to constantly encourage and give our children the ability to deal with these life lessons. Our job is to encourage and never discourage.
Woody Allen said “98% of success is just showing up”
A child is not going to show up for the next class if they’re discouraged. Most schools have this pass or fail mentality and discount the children that need help the most. Our academy focus is for every child to succeed.
Of course you want your child to succeed, but perhaps you’re worried about risking a lot of money in the process. Not to worry, you can try our school out for FREE. Click the red link below and you will find our current offer.